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translation help

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rayman.the.one.and.only1_498570
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translation help

Postby rayman.the.one.and.only1_498570 » August 26th, 2014 4:51 pm

So, over the past couple of weeks I've been translating the song "Safe and sound" by Taylor Swift into Japanese.
But I'm not sure how credible my translation is, because all the Japanese I know is self taught over the internet on several different sights Yahoo being one of them. :? So if this translation does or doesn't make sense please post. Arigato Gozaimasu :D

貴方泣く。 私言います「ここに,居て。」 You cry. I say "here, you can stay.'' 
Anata naku. Watashi iimasu: Koko ni, ite.

光を殺した影ほぼ. Shadows nearly killed the light
Hikari o koroshita kage hobo.

貴方言います「 いきないで」 you say, "Do not go"
Anata iimasu "ikinaide"

でもね、過去今晩その全部の But you know, all of that is past tonight
Demo ne, kako konban sono zenbu no

目を閉めて, 太陽が沈んで。 Close your eyes, the sun is setting.
Me o shimete, taiyō ga shizun de.

大丈夫よ、あなた元気よ you're ok, you'll be fine.
Daijōbu yo, anata genki yo.

あすによ、私たちは元気だよ。 Tomorrow,We'll be fine.
Asu ni yo, watashitachi wa genkidayo

community.japanese
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Re: translation help

Postby community.japanese » August 31st, 2014 4:45 am

rayman.the.one.and.only1さん、
Konnichiwa.
That's great :D however, translating lyrics is basically difficult.
Is your goal ‘getting the meaning’or ‘translating poetically ’?
I think you understood almost all meanings.
So would you like us to help to fix the lyric in Japanese?
Yuki  由紀
Team JapanesePod101.com

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rayman.the.one.and.only1_498570
Established Presence
Posts: 59
Joined: April 3rd, 2014 3:21 pm

Re: translation help

Postby rayman.the.one.and.only1_498570 » August 31st, 2014 11:42 pm

Thanks, I'm grateful for any help offered. Out of curiosity, what parts of this did I translate incorrectly? I know I had to make things a little grammatically incorrect due to not having enough syllables in the song. :)

community.japanese
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Re: translation help

Postby community.japanese » September 9th, 2014 5:55 am

rayman.the.one.and.only1 san,

I see.
Firstly, you have to think about for who this song is.
The reason why is that vocabularies and suffixes are different between man and women in the Japanese language.
Is the song from a man to a woman? Form a woman to man? Or from a friend to the other?
I am sorry I don’t know that now so I use general words and don’t add final particles which indicate the gender. I don’t use direct translation either.


You cry. I say "here, you can stay.'' 
あなたが泣いて、「ここにいて」と私が言った

Shadows nearly killed the light
影で光が消えそうになって

you say, "Do not go"
「行かないで」とあなたが言った

But you know, all of that is past tonight
でも、今夜、全ての事は過去のこと

Close your eyes, the sun is setting.
芽を閉じて、太陽が昇る

you're ok, you'll be fine.
大丈夫。あなたは大丈夫。

Tomorrow, we'll be fine.
私たち明日には大丈夫。

I hope it could be helpful. :D

Yuki 由紀
Team JapanesePod101.com

rayman.the.one.and.only1_498570
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Posts: 59
Joined: April 3rd, 2014 3:21 pm

Re: translation help

Postby rayman.the.one.and.only1_498570 » September 10th, 2014 3:10 pm

thanks. I appreciate the help. :)

community.japanese
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Re: translation help

Postby community.japanese » September 11th, 2014 11:25 am

rayman.the.one.and.only1 san,

You are welcome.

Yuki  由紀
Team JapanesePod101.com

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