Can someone proof-read and correct this for me?

[fake_toshu]

Hi, I'm going to Japan this summer and I need to send an email to my host family. So this is my letter (the Japanese I came up with and the English I had originally intended to use).

I was wondering if someone could look it over and point out if there are any mistakes (and there are porbably a lot ). I sent it to my sensei, but he's probably busy and I really need to send this as soon as possible.

So, here's my letter, if someone could correct it for me, I would greatly appreciate it!

~~~

こんにちは。はじめまして。わたしはパルマー・レミックです。どうぞよろしくおねがい
します。
（Hello, my name is Remick Palmer.　It’s a pleasure to meet you.）

十六さいの女の子で、カナダのカルガーリーのまちに住みます。かぞくは四人で、おとうさんとおかあさんとおとうとと私です。私たちはこいぬがもっています。
（I am a sixteen year old girl who lives in the city of Calgary in Canada. My family consists of four people, my father, mother, brother and myself.　We also have a small dog.）

来年は高校三年生で、好きな科目は英語とフランス語と歴史です。よむことがほんとうにだいすきです。
（Next year I will be in Grade 12 and my favourite subjects are English Language Arts, French Language Arts and Social Studies.　I absolutely love to read.）

ずっと、日本へ行きたいです。日本語や日本りょうりや日本のおんがくがとてもすきで、まんがとあにめがだいすきです。えいごとフランスごがはなして、にほんごがすこしはなします。
（I’ve always wanted to go to Japan. I really like the Japanese language, food and music and I love anime and manga.　I speak fluent English and French as well as some Japanese.）

~~~

I hope that the Japanese text works, my computer tends to be a little iffy about stuff like that...

I had also wanted to end with something like: "I’m greatly anticipating my upcoming trip. I can't wait to meet you all." But I really don't know how to say that in the least.

[kichigaijin]

You may want to say:　カルガーリーし
Instead of: カルガーリーのまち
まち　（町）　is kinda like "town", where as　し （市）　is more like "city".

You also may want to say: こいぬをかっています
Instead of: こいぬがもっています

かう　（飼う）　Is the sample sentence my dictionary that describes owning/keeping a dog.
もっています Implies that you've got the dog on you.

I'd probably use "を”　instead of "は”　in the following sentences:
えいごとフランスごがはなして、にほんごがすこしはなします。
The "は” in the first half isn't wrong, but the second half of the sentence just looks kinda odd, you could probably make it something like:
日本語はすこしだけはなします。
"As for Japanese, I only speak a little bit."

For that last sentence:
I'm looking forward to my upcoming trip, I can't wait to meet you all!
このりょこうでみなにあえることをたのしみにしています。
この旅行で皆に会える事を楽しみにしています。
Actually, it's I'm looking forward to meeting everyone on this trip.
That close enough?

Err, gotta go. May post more later. Hope it helps.

[fake_toshu]

どうもありがとうございます。

Thanks so much, that helped a lot! And replying so quickly too.

Especially the last sentence, it sounds even better than my original two english sentences.

I ended up making basically all of those changes. Thanks again!!

[kichigaijin]

BTW, a slight mistake:
I'd probably use "を”　instead of "は”　in the following sentences:
and
The "は” in the first half isn't wrong

Should read:
I'd probably use "を”　instead of "が" in the following sentences:
and
The "が" in the first half isn't wrong.

But I think you get what I mean.
Glad I could help.

[annie]

i agree with the:
カルガーリー市 (but definitely use the kanji)
子犬を飼っています
and あにめーー＞アニメ
and, you might want to use the word 読書 (どくしょ）for reading.

in the last sentence I feel like はなせる is a better verb choice than はなす... so, 日本語が少しだけ話せます。

really, it reads just fine. even without any changes.

(And hopefully, they can judge your level of Japanese from your email, and respond at a similar level... recently I've been having lots of students come to me asking me to translate emails written in English that they can't understand. Today's was: "Hey! What have you been doing? Did you enjoy your time down hear.")

[kichigaijin]

annie
Not to hijack, but last night I was at a Japanese meetup group and the topic of の versus　事 came up; の　being for more specific instances/experiences, 事 being for more general ideas. Immediately, I thought back to that last sentence. I think の　would be more appropriate in that instance, what do you think?

[Belton]

Hi,

The only thing that jumps out at me at this point is the listing of your family members. I'd use the humble forms rather than the honorific forms as you're writing to someone outside your family group.

おとうさんとおかあさんとおとうとと私です。- ->
弟と母と父と私です。
おとうと と はは と ちち と わたし です。

(Oh, and it could just be the way I was taught but I'd use 住んでいます。　instead of 住みます。If you are familiar with 〜ています　construction for continuous action. )

[jaypunkrawk]

I agree...I would definitely use the present progressive of 住む. It represents a state of being, which is what you're trying to say. ～住んでいます。