Is this translation correc?

[jpd1]

I tried translating this Japanese to English:

ハルヒ仕様の髪飾りリボンと、
県立北高校の男子制服の2種類だ。

haruhi shiyou no kamikazari ribon to,
kenritsu kita koukou no danshi seifuku no ni shurui da.



From how i see it, it's

"There are two types, the Harui's "hair ornament ribbon", and the northern prefecture boy's uniform."

I am 89% sure there's a mistake in my translation, so those of you who knows, let me know what it is, for me it just feels "not right".

thanks.

P.S.
it's a small part of a larger paragraph taken from some advertisement.
(the rest is http://links.imeem.com/23na20k-L)

[Psy]

"There are two types, the Harui's "hair ornament ribbon", and the northern prefecture boy's uniform.")

You're totally right with the vocabulary. The only mistake I think is in understanding the usage of 種類-- the page is introducing two new items into the store which will be made available for purchase next January. The "2 types" you wrote leads me to believe you're trying to find multiple varieties for just one of the items, whereas the site is only talking about the two separate, upcoming items (the uniform and the ribbon) and not any individual variations in them.

Even with that, I'm not going to say you're strictly wrong. The English is a bit blocky, though!

[jpd1]

"There are two types, the Harui's "hair ornament ribbon", and the northern prefecture boy's uniform.")

You're totally right with the vocabulary. The only mistake I think is in understanding the usage of 種類-- the page is introducing two new items into the store which will be made available for purchase next January. The "2 types" you wrote leads me to believe you're trying to find multiple varieties for just one of the items, whereas the site is only talking about the two separate, upcoming items (the uniform and the ribbon) and not any individual variations in them.

Even with that, I'm not going to say you're strictly wrong. The English is a bit blocky, though!

yeah it's blocky lol, was hard finding the right words to use, i actually had many second thoughts about the "shurui" part... if to translate it as "types" or "items" as you say... i wasn't sure how to put it...

can you put it in a non blocky way? (would be a good chance to see how it's supposed to be)

thanks a lot!

[Psy]

I'll give it a go:

人気小説「涼宮ハルヒの憂鬱」から、新作コスチュームが登場する。
ハルヒ仕様の髪飾りリボンと、県立北高校の男子制服の2種類だ。
リボンもジャケットも色、形ともインパクト絶大なアイテム。
うまく着こなせるかな?　どちらも来年1月発売予定。

Introducing a new set of costumes from the famous novel "The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya": The boy's uniform from the "Prefectural-Northern High School" and the ribbon Haruhi wears in her hair. With their colors and shapes, both the ribbon and the jacket are high-impact items. Think they'd work on you? Both are scheduled for release next January.

Just my take, and still kinda blocky. I'm not by any means a pro at this translation stuff.

[jpd1]

I'll give it a go:

人気小説「涼宮ハルヒの憂鬱」から、新作コスチュームが登場する。
ハルヒ仕様の髪飾りリボンと、県立北高校の男子制服の2種類だ。
リボンもジャケットも色、形ともインパクト絶大なアイテム。
うまく着こなせるかな?　どちらも来年1月発売予定。

Introducing a new set of costumes from the famous novel "The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya": The boy's uniform from the "Prefectural-Northern High School" and the ribbon Haruhi wears in her hair. With their colors and shapes, both the ribbon and the jacket are high-impact items. Think they'd work on you? Both are scheduled for release next January.

Just my take, and still kinda blocky. I'm not by any means a pro at this translation stuff.

pff not bad at all!
it actually makes some sense now
although from the text itself, how can you tell it's a girl ? if you don't know the story or saw the pictures (i didnt realized it's for a girl from the pictures though, only the ribbon is on a girl's head but the suit is a boy's , so..)

still sounds much better than mine, thank you.

[Psy]

although from the text itself, how can you tell it's a girl ? if you don't know the story or saw the pictures (i didnt realized it's for a girl from the pictures though, only the ribbon is on a girl's head but the suit is a boy's , so..)

1) Haruhi sounds like a girl's name.
2) Boys don't typically put ribbons in their hair.
3) I would have translated the title as "The Depression of..." but for verification I looked up the official translation. Pretty clearly a girl we're talking about.
4) Just because the costumes are from the same novel doesn't necessarily mean they're for the same character.

Glad I could be of some assistance. If you have any other questions feel free to post.

[allizard]

Humm... maybe I can add a little bit of this.

Haruhi is a girl. The main character from a popular light novel "Suzumiya Haruhi no yuuutsu". (still don't know exactly want's a Light novel) The word yuuutsu or 憂鬱 is translated to melancholy in English anime/manga.