Wondering about conversation exchange etiquette

[summersprite]

Has anyone done conversation exchange, where you meet with your partner to practice each other's language? In your experience, what rules of etiquette help your exchanges go smoothly, and ensure that both sides feel they get enough practice?

I'm currently at upper-intermediate level, and looking to doing conversation exchange face-to-face, but I'd like to hear about online experiences as well, e.g. via Skype. よろしくお願いします。

[untmdsprt]

I tried doing that, but got a lot of people who wanted to practice their English and give nothing in return.

From my experience, emailing the person was the best way to see what kind of person they were, and what level they were at. Unfortunately, I kept getting a lot of people who were at a high level of English so they could keep the conversation in English. It would have been better to get people whose English was at the same level as my Japanese.

I believe you have to set some rules beforehand so nobody takes advantage of the other. Like 30 min for English, and 30 min for Japanese. Also if you meet in person, make sure the place is halfway between the both of you. Having a list of topics would be good too.

[Belton]

This site has good tips about tandem partners.

http://www.slf.rub.de/etandem/ethilfen-en.html
http://www.slf.rub.de/email/help/helpen ... #questions
http://www.slf.rub.de/tandem/inh01-eng.html

I would agree with untmdsprt that you need someone of a similar ability to yourself. You need to avoid defaulting the the strongest language in common. This is fine for communication but no use for learning.

It can be a bit artificial and weird at first. Meeting a stranger for conversation. What shall we talk about is always a bit of an issue.
Explaining one's native language is actually much harder than you might think too.

Is good to be regular in your meetings. Once a week at a particular time. You both need to show respect and consideration for each other.

For me, I've had email tandemn exchanges just disappear suddenly or been unable to continue them. Skype is better in respect that it's easier on your time than email and has the added benefit of real-time and speech.
I've had a Skype partner for about 2.5 years now and it went beyond language exchange to being a friendship where we both help each other with language.
I found that I really only had time for one tandem partner.

Another thing to consider is a language club. In London there is a Japanese meetup. It's run by a friend of mine who has very good things to say about it, however I can never make it to their meetings.
http://japanese.meetup.com/34/
I'm sure there are similar meetings in other cities.

[untmdsprt]

Thanks for those links and post! Maybe it will help me find a person with a lower English ability.

I went through the online magazine called Metropolis for a language exchange. I believe anything you post on the online site will eventually be printed in their paper magazine. You could try that to see if anyone is willing to chat via Skype.

[Javizy]

The best thing you can do is to find somebody who you can become friends with. Even though it's on the premise of language exchange, you're still two people, and it's going to be boring as hell if you don't have anything in common.

If you're at intermediate level, you should know enough to hold a conversation. Even if you don't have much experience, you'll be surprised at what you can reproduce in conversation. If you're on good terms with the person, it'll be hard for them to refuse if you ask to switch to Japanese after speaking English for an hour. The best thing you can do in terms of preparation is make sure you have clear pronunciation. You can do this with shadowing, and it'll avoid a lot of potential misunderstandings.

One thing that you might find useful, assuming you don't know already, is about politeness levels. We're taught from the beginning that we have to use teinei-go unless we're with "close friends", but everybody, except one person, that I have spoken to has spoken in tame-go from the beginning. So if you're not aware of the various contractions and generally how to speak informally, then I'd look into that to avoid sounding like a gaijin.

[summersprite]

返事ありがとうございました！すごく役に立てます！I hope to avoid some pitfalls with all your help.

While we're on the subject, what do you think should go into the first email to a potential exchange partner? I'm thinking of doing some self-intro in English about my background and my interests, etc., and ask them to write back in Japanese. Is that good?

[untmdsprt]

Keep it short and simple, no need to tell everything in the beginning. I would also tell them your Japanese ability with hiragana, etc. If you can read hiragana, and they write in romaji, it means they never bothered to read your email. Also if they write the Japanese and then immediately translate it for you, they are not helping you.

If someone writes both, I usually will ignore the Japanese and only read the English.

[Belton]

While we're on the subject, what do you think should go into the first email to a potential exchange partner? I'm thinking of doing some self-intro in English about my background and my interests, etc., and ask them to write back in Japanese. Is that good?

I would do (and did) the first introduction in Japanese and English. I would also use desu-masu form as being the most neutral. Whatever form you end up conversing in. (In my experience this depends on age and sex. Women are more polite. older women even more so. The plain form is also a way of talking to juniors, children and "inferiors". And like it or not you are forever a gaijin. )
It will show each other what your potential level is amongst other things.
Interests Job family hometown, why you study Japanese basically the usual stuff are all good

-edit-
I have had more success using ISO2022JP encoding on email rather than UTF8. I think because a lot of Japanese use their keitai for emails. But be prepared for mojibake when using kanji etc, at first.

[Javizy]

Writing your introduction in Japanese kind of cuts to the chase. You can talk about your Japanese level, and how long you've been studying, and you'll give them an idea of your ability. Just about every Japanese person you'll ever see on these sites writes in English, so why should Japanese learners not right in Japanese?

Like untmdsprt said, mentioning your reading ability is a good idea, especially since you'll probably end up doing a bit of instant messaging. You can avoid bracketed readings and spaces, as well, that way.

It is best to write your introduction in teinei-go, but play it by ear from there. Don't carry on speaking politely for months when your friend spoke informally from the beginning. A simple question can set the level. Some people hate being called by their first name, or feel a bit weird without さん, so you can ask how they prefer to be called as well.

I wouldn't worry too much, anyway. There's not a whole lot you can do wrong, unless you're extremely rude. All the other little problems and things you are unsure about can be solved within the first conversation by a few questions.

[summersprite]

Just about every Japanese person you'll ever see on these sites writes in English, so why should Japanese learners not right in Japanese?

Just wondering, is that customary to mail exchange, where each person writes in the language they wanna practice? I thought it'd be the other way around, so that you can see how the language is written correctly.

[Belton]

Just wondering, is that customary to mail exchange, where each person writes in the language they wanna practice? I thought it'd be the other way around, so that you can see how the language is written correctly.

If you just want to see the language written correctly, there are blogs or newspapers or books. One of the main benefits of having a native speaker to email is that they can correct your usage.
My email exchanges tended to be bi-lingual. I'd write in the Japanese. I'd write the same thing in English. That way I can practice, my partner can practice reading English and possibly has some hints from my Japanese. In turn we would each correct the other's language to make it more natural. (outside of an email exchange you can also do this at lang8)
I also consider it polite to use the other persons language as much as I can.

I'm not sure what is customary. Mostly you work out what works for you and your tandem partner.

[Kafeen]

I've been going to a language exchange evening once a week for the last month or so. My Japanese is still at a very basic level so its pretty difficult. I've been using a lot more English and a lot less Japanese than I would have ideally like but that's really been an error on my part rather than any of the partners I've met.

Most, especially the girls, have also been really helpful in trying to teach Japanese rather than just trying to practice their English.

The people I've met so far have all been pretty informal, they're all students around 18-20, さん　suffixes are used rarely if at all, the only suffix that stands out in my mind that someone used was せんぱい.