Writing a letter to a host family... help?

[ThisistheHenry]

Hey, guys, I'm headed for Japan this summer, and one of the things I have yet to do is to write a letter to my host family (It's through a program, and the letter is mandatory). Since I don't want to have any obvious language or other errors, I thought I'd run it through the jPod forums. (I haven't communicated in Japanese in almost a year now, so I'm expecting to have made quite a few mistakes)

ホスト・ファミリーへ
初めまして。私の名前はヘンリーです。アメリカで住んでいます。今十七歳です。そして高校の学生で、来年大学生に成ります。言語が大好きで、ラーテン語を読めます。スペイン語も読んで、話せます。私の家族は五人と一匹です。父と母はイギリス人です。妹と弟もいます。犬はヘミッシと申します。私の仕事はチューターです。私の町で沢山の流民がいるから、沢山の英語をあまり話せない人がいる。そんな人に教える事は私の仕事です。

Well, I guess I just realized that I also have no clue on how to close a letter in Japanese, so if somebody knows a good way how, that would be largely appreciated. Once I've feel good about the contents of the letter, I'll handwrite it and let all of you criticize my handwriting too.

Thank you very much in advance, 宜しくお願いします！

[NickT]

Looks ok to me, no obvious mistakes.

The only thing I would say is, to go a bit easy on the automatic kanji conversion - just because a word has a kanji, doesn't mean you should always use it.

I would write なります and たくさん in hiragana, personally, as I very rarely see them written in kanji.

[Javizy]

「アメリカで住んでいます」
The particle に is used with this verb. With certain verbs に acts in the same way as で by marking the location of an action. Check the thread 'で revisited' or something like that.

「高校の学生」
There is a word 「高校生」'high school student'.

「町で沢山の流民がいるから、」
「たくさん」is usually used as an adverb in this kind of sentence「たくさんいる」.

「沢山の英語をあまり話せない人がいる」
Are you trying to say 'a lot of people' or 'a lot of English' here? If it's the former, you should again use「たくさん」as an adverb, or you could try a different word since you've already used it once. You also switched to a plain ending in this sentence. Maybe something like:

「英語をよく話せない人が多いんです」
There are a lot of people who can't speak English well.

Try to keep in mind what the topic of the sentence is: if it's been established it sounds very 外人らしい to repeat it. For instance, after you mention your dog, you re-establish yourself as the topic, but then say「私の」two more times, which isn't necessary. I've heard that certain Japanese authors have their foreign characters speak like that to help create an 'exotic' image

You only need to explicitly state the topic when it is being introduced, changed back, when you begin a new paragraph, or if it isn't immediately obvious to both listener and speaker for some reason. I'm not trying to be overcritical here, I've just read a lot of good explanations about this, and it really helps you sound more natural

[Psy]

Looks ok to me, no obvious mistakes.

The only thing I would say is, to go a bit easy on the automatic kanji conversion - just because a word has a kanji, doesn't mean you should always use it.

I would write なります and たくさん in hiragana, personally, as I very rarely see them written in kanji.

I've seen 「沢山」 a fair bit but almost never 成ります. Still, as you say it is more common for them to be in hiragana.

[color=brown]「町で沢山の流民がいるから、」
「たくさん」is usually used as an adverb in this kind of sentence「たくさんいる」.

For that I would say 「こちらは/この町は　流民がたくさんいるから」, at any rate you are probably better using に than で with 町.

「沢山の英語をあまり話せない人がいる」
Are you trying to say 'a lot of people' or 'a lot of English' here?

This isn't strictly wrong, because depending on how you read it you can get two meanings, specifically where 沢山 "lots of" modifies 英語をあまり話せない人 "people who can't really speak English" as a singular entity. There are, of course, other ways to get this message across, but this as it is will not be misunderstood.　 Note that you wrote いる instead of います, so you might want to change that to keep the tone consistent throughout your letter.

ホスト・ファミリーへ

It's only a hunch, but part of me is asking to put の皆様へ on the end there.

犬はヘミッシと申します。

The honorific sounds a bit iffy to me here (animals don't generally get them), so I would say 「犬のヘミッシもいます」 or something to that effect.

私の仕事はチューターです。私の町で沢山の流民がいるから、沢山の英語をあまり話せない人がいる。そんな人に教える事は私の仕事です。

Speaking of redundancies, since you've got the last part you don't need the first part: 私の町に流民がたくさんいるから、英語があまり話せない人もたくさんいます。そんな人に教えるのは私の仕事です If you wanted to sound nicer you could say 移民 (いみん immigrant) or 移民労働者 (いみんろうどうしゃ immigrant worker), or not so nicely 不法滞在者 (ふほうたいざいしゃ illegal immigrant).

Well, I guess I just realized that I also have no clue on how to close a letter in Japanese, so if somebody knows a good way how, that would be largely appreciated. Once I've feel good about the contents of the letter, I'll handwrite it and let all of you criticize my handwriting too.

Thank you very much in advance, 宜しくお願いします！

I've never learned how to formally write a letter in Japanese say, in a business context, however it's always a good idea to close with something like よろしくお願いします, and perhaps 皆さんとのお会いを楽しみにしております as a very polite "I'm looking forward to meeting everybody."

These are just my opinions-- I'm a very long way from perfect. However I believe this will help get you pointed in the right direction. Feel free to ask more questions and have fun in Japan!

[ThisistheHenry]

Thank you very much for the helpful responses!

I was wondering if I was doing Kanji overkill, but I figured that too many looks better than too few(?) so I guess I just went with all the ones that I knew how to handwrite.

http://www.imagehostingsite.com/gallery.php?entry=images/3ztdzcbunmmmwimdywjm.jpg

I know that it's not the neatest of handwriting, but it's almost eleven and I'm tired... (It's not a final draft, I wouldn't write a real letter on notebook paper)
Oh, and it looks like I forgot to turn the いる to an います... Eh, I'll fix that in the final draft.

Thank you for the tips though, everybody! I'm always glad to learn some new things through application, and I really appreciate the replies.
And I definitely didn't realize that 申します was an honorific; so you probably saved me from an awkward situation or two

And of course, I am certainly looking forward to my trip! Since the program is for intermediate level high-school students who want to develop their language skills, I think/hope that the letter is of an appropriate level (now that it has been "corrected")?
Anyways, thank you very much NickT, Javizy, and Psy!

*Quick question: The ん in 『英語をよく話せない人が多いんです』is short for の, right? And if it is, should I use の instead with this being a formal letter?

[Psy]

Oh, and it looks like I forgot to turn the いる to an います... Eh, I'll fix that in the final draft.

Since you continue that sentence with から, it's perfectly fine to have the plain verb.

*Quick question: The ん in 『英語をよく話せない人が多いんです』is short for の, right? And if it is, should I use の instead with this being a formal letter?

From my understanding の is a lot more common in writing-- the book I'm reading right now (however slowly) uses it quite frequently-- so if you're going to use that construction I'll say you're right on the money.

I had absolutely no trouble in parsing your handwriting, so don't worry about it. It's certainly no worse than mine. If anything you're a lot more precise with your strokes than many Japanese people are.

One last note: I have no idea the formality of this, but frequently on notes and stuff people sign with *name*+より, like in your case ヘンリーより (from Henry). It's your choice whether to add it or not, but I thought you'd like to know.

[ceirelav]

This isn't so much of a grammar issue.

そんな人に教える事は私の仕事です。

I thought that 「そんな人」 often has a negative connotation. So, I double checked with my Japanese friends to make sure, and they agreed that it's usually negative. In the case of your letter, it would kind of seem like you're looking down on those people for not knowing English or something, you know? But I guess it's open to interpretation.
I think そういう人たち　would be a more neutral choice.

Extending what Psy said about signing the letter. I know one way of signing is using 草々（そうそう）, but the letter has to start with 前略. For example, the email my Japanese teacher wrote me:
バレリー様
前略　来週の木曜日、金曜日と日本から両親が来ることになりました。.... (omit)
　　　　　　　　　　　　　　草々　　
　　　　　　　　　　　　　　裕子
But I think 前略/草々 this is more informal(?). Formally, one would use 拝啓/ 敬具, but I have no idea how formal is considered that formal..... Letter writing in Japanese stressed me out; it's too complicated for me.

[Psy]

This isn't so much of a grammar issue.

そんな人に教える事は私の仕事です。

I thought that 「そんな人」 often has a negative connotation.

Thanks for this. I'd learned this nuance a long time ago but completely forgot about it... part of what happens when your practical use of the language disappears for 2 years. Ah well, that's what I have Jpod for.

Extending what Psy said about signing the letter. I know one way of signing is using 草々（そうそう）, but the letter has to start with 前略. For example, the email my Japanese teacher wrote me:
バレリー様
前略　来週の木曜日、金曜日と日本から両親が来ることになりました。.... (omit)
　　　　　　　　　　　　　　草々　　
　　　　　　　　　　　　　　裕子
But I think 前略/草々 this is more informal(?). Formally, one would use 拝啓/ 敬具, but I have no idea how formal is considered that formal..... Letter writing in Japanese stressed me out; it's too complicated for me.

From what I understand the 拝啓/敬具 (はいけい/けいぐ) pair is very formal and suited for business letters and the like. I've stayed away from this this in my self-study because, in order to be prim and proper in letter-writing, one really needs to have the guidance of a native speaker. I believe you're right about 前略/草々, however even in handwritten notes and letters I've received (maybe it's just because I'm an uncultured gaijin barbarian), I've yet to encounter them. So while you can indeed use them, in informal settings they are in my experience completely optional.

Thanks for contributing. We really are an awesome bunch here.