Japanese Roommate in College

[ESteen]

Hi everyone,

The college I will be going to has Japanese exchange students, and I found out a few days ago that one of them will be my roommate! I don't know how much English she knows or what year of school she's in, but I have every intention of trying to be as polite, friendly, and respectful as possible. This is the first time that I will be staying at a dormitory in college, so I'm a little clueless as to what to expect in general. I'm a fairly polite and private person, in general, but beyond that, I'm not sure what customs and behaviors are going to be expected of me and what customs and behaviors I should expect from her.

I do have a few specific questions, but any other information you can give me would be greatly appreciated.

Question:
If I had an American roommate, I would expect that we would talk and get to know each other-- and become friends if we got along, and at least have a fair amount of friendliness and communication if we didn't get along. I have a Japanese neighbor and she is a nice person, but she is reserved, private, and quite distanced-- I don't know whether that's just her or not (I'm guessing that there are some culture barriers, because it doesn't seem rude to me at all, but my mother thought it was a little rude.). Basically, in terms of culture, should I expect my roommate to just be sharing a room with me, and for any interaction to end there, should I expect to be acquaintances or friends with her, or should I treat this situation the way I would treat any other roommate situation?

Question:
When I received the dormitory assignment in the mail, the college provided me with her address and phone number so that I could contact her and decide ahead of time who would be brining what. I was thinking that it would be more polite to send her a letter (an e-mail address wasn't provided), and that calling her would be a little forward. Is that a correct assumption?

Question:
Are there any customs or traditions, in specific, that are involved when sharing a room with someone?

Question:
I know that if I were going to college in a foreign country, that I would want to dorm with people from my country. Should I expect her to request a roommate change to be with one of the other exchange students, and if so, should I not take it personally? (I really hope this doesn't happen, by the way-- having her as a roommate will be an enlightening experience for both of us.)

Question:
Is there anything else that would be really important for me to know? I just want this to be the most positive, enlightening experience it can be (and I'd love to avoid any cultural misunderstandings-- if humanly possible).

Thanks ahead of time for any replies. I really appreciate anyone taking the time to offer any advice they may have.

~ESteen

[Rizu]

That is very exciting. It sounds like this could be a great experience for both of you.

People tend to drift towards others of their race, so she might seek out the other exchange students for friendship, but I think part of the whole exchange experience is to learn about another culture, and meet new people to help in that learning. It sounds like she is lucky to have you as a roommate. You sound willing to befriend her and welcome her. Treat her as you would want to be treated, be kind and respectful and open, and the potential for friendship will increase. And if she does try to switch rooms, don't take it personally. Some people are just more comfortable with members of their own race. It depends on the person.

It can be tough sharing a room with anyone, friend or stranger. Most important is to just simply be respectful of the other person. Don't touch/take their things without asking, don't disturb them if they are doing homework or sleeping, things like that. If you can respect one another, the experience will be much better.

Don't worry too much about cultural misunderstandings. Likely both of you will fall victim to one at some point. You would be understanding of her if she unintentionally did or said something offensive right? Familiarize yourself with her culture as best you can, but I'm sure she would be understanding if you make a mistake.

For contacting her, do whatever you feel more comfortable doing. I called my freshman roommate, and I remember it being kind of awkward.

I don't know if any of that helped, but I really hope everything works out for you!

[ESteen]

Thanks, Rizu.

I am most definitely willing to welcome and befriend her. I remember what it was like when I visited other countries, it's really hard! Everything is different, everything! I also know that one helpful 'native' from the country you're visiting can pretty much make or break a trip, so I am willing to help her in any way I can. I also look forward to learning about her culture!

I'll try not to take it personally if she switches rooms. I know that there are some people who are more comfortable with people of their own race-- I grew up in a very rural (closed-minded) area, so I met a lot of people like that (I'm certainly not one of them). Some of them are bigoted and closed-minded and others are just nervous. The best thing you can do is find something you both have in common, despite your obvious differences-- then the differences seem insignificant.

Thanks for telling me about your experience with your freshman roommate. Now, I'll definitely be sending her a letter rather than calling her-- I know that I'm happy every time that I get mail that isn't junk mail or bills, hopefully it's universal. Besides, from what I have learned so far, the Japanese are a very, very, very polite people, and calling her might be taken as being too forward.

I'm a very polite, private, and territorial person, so I'm very respectful when it comes to touching other people's things (After 20+ years, I still ask before I take something out of the fridge at my grandmother's house, even though she always says I don't have to ask!). I'm also very careful not to disturb other people, because I hate when people disturb me-- so hopefully those things won't be issues.

Again, thanks so much for your input, you really helped me to get some more perspective on the situation.

~ESteen

[foxyshez]

i'd say it depends on her-if she is going to study abroad she proably had quite a relaxed attitude towards foreigners and customs.
In fact she is probably scared about the same thing. haha

Anyways-i guess some things might surprise her about you and vice versa-you have to be polite but confront her and have her do the same, if there is something you don't like.

Some Japanese girls are very reserved and they won't say if something is bothering them. Generally they are huble when meeting someone for the first time and will compliment you a lot. Don't ask her opinion on an outfit etc, she'll lie! haha

not all Japanese people are the same-one friend of mine came to stay at my apartment for the night. It was planned and she had a bag full of cosmetics-but didnt bring a toothbrush or pj's haha she's nuts though! you might get a nuts one! Another time she laughed wheni didnt fit into a skirt and said i was too fat! haha (i'm only a british size 8!) cheeky cow-thats why i like her though!

she might be shocked at some things-she might tell her mates back home that americans (or whatever) are dirty weird people-and you might do the same haha! But she won't tell you to your face unless she's a nutter like my friend!

hope that helps

[Psy]

Don't get me wrong here, but I think a central issue is being overlooked: She is the one coming to your country. While I think your respect and allowance for the differences of her culture will go a long way towards cementing good relations between the two of you as roommates, do not forget that it is her responsibility to try to adapt to the customs of the land. If she cannot do this, she'll just end up being one of those people who clings to groups of her own nationality and lose what could otherwise be an incredible cultural experience, leaving you to have to pry your way into a little 'packet of Japan' instead of her opening up to the easy-going and warm American way of life.

So sure, be a diplomat-- but don't forget that she's the gaijin here!

[foxyshez]

Don't get me wrong here, but I think a central issue is being overlooked: She is the one coming to your country. While I think your respect and allowance for the differences of her culture will go a long way towards cementing good relations between the two of you as roommates, do not forget that it is her responsibility to try to adapt to the customs of the land. If she cannot do this, she'll just end up being one of those people who clings to groups of her own nationality and lose what could otherwise be an incredible cultural experience, leaving you to have to pry your way into a little 'packet of Japan' instead of her opening up to the easy-going and warm American way of life.

So sure, be a diplomat-- but don't forget that she's the gaijin here!

yeah that is true you should stare at her a lot and clap when she does thigs americans do every day. You should ask her "can you eat...."(every american food thing u can think of) and clap when she says yes! haha

[Psy]

yeah that is true you should stare at her a lot and clap when she does thigs americans do every day. You should ask her "can you eat...."(every american food thing u can think of) and clap when she says yes! haha

Wow! Can you speak English? You're so skillful at it. It is such a hard language.

Then, later...

Oh my god! You mean you can read also?! I don't believe it.

Then again, it might be better to avoid the patronizing attitude altogether.

[josiah]

ESteenさん、
not sure if you're still on the forums but just be yourself.
i've met stacks of japanese people in melbourne and they really want to meet foreigners and speak english, thats the primary reason they came to australia (aside from dating too!)
in the past three years i've had contact with japanese people in melbourne i've noticed a significant difference in the japanese i've met in japan and those i've met in melbourne (but i wont go into that now).
basically most japanese people who go abroad have taken a huge step because they want to experience life outside japan.
so i would say she would rather share a room with you that a japanese person because in her mind she would think "i can meet japanese in japan" (i could be mistaken!)
so realy just some common sense, surprise her with your knowledge of japan and japanese and you'll have good times.
also be sure to how her around and introduce her to other americans and she'll be indebted to you forever

'nuff said

[WalterWills]

yeah that is true you should stare at her a lot and clap when she does thigs americans do every day. You should ask her "can you eat...."(every american food thing u can think of) and clap when she says yes! haha

Haha, is that what it's like in Japan? I'd love to go there, to me that sounds quite funny!

[Psy]

Haha, is that what it's like in Japan? I'd love to go there, to me that sounds quite funny!

To one degree or the next, yeah it is. The "gaijin complex" digs quite deeply into some, and while many will comment on your amazing ability to handle chopsticks or order from a menu in Japanese, there are still those who may not. The most consistent thing I've noticed that gets a reaction is when they find out you can read kanji. So, once you're good enough, parse a newspaper headline aloud and watch the reaction. The next time I visit I'm really wanting to try this with the little news ticker scroll you see on the trains.

See, there are rewards for those countless hours of tedium!

[WalterWills]

I think we'd be exactly the same if English wasn't so widely spoken and if there wasn't so great an incentive for people from other countries to learn it. I mean, most of the time we more or less expect foreigners to know some English! In a way, it's a shame I think..

[Psy]

I think we'd be exactly the same if English wasn't so widely spoken and if there wasn't so great an incentive for people from other countries to learn it. I mean, most of the time we more or less expect foreigners to know some English! In a way, it's a shame I think..

You do have a point, and as a rule the less common a language is the more warmly welcomed you will be by making an attempt to speak it. However, there's a principal difference in perspective between the two nations, and that difference is blatant racism. I don't want to open up a can of worms on the forum here-- just to reinforce my point that if you switched our roles around but left the perspectives alone, there would still be a difference towards how we handle foreigners.

Granted, it does really annoy me how people travel abroad and expect the natives to speak English for them.