Feedback Appreciated.

[Fedgrub]

If you have a chance, please revise the following sentences and let me know where my mistakes have been made, and whether or not you could have gotten the general gist of where I was going with the sentences. I know there will be errors throughout, however I am really looking to improve my sentence construction. Thanks in advance!!

こんばんは。
Good evening.

わたしのなめはマットです。
My name is Matt.

バンド好きです。わたしもえいがすきです。
I like bands. I also like movies.

サラダだいきだいですよ！
I hate salad！

わたしのともだちにほんごじんのなまえおかずこです。
I have a Japanese friend named Kazuko.

おかしがきいるいとあかいとくるいですか？
Is the cake yellow, red and black?

ぼうがかたちにまげる。
Bend that bar into shape.

わたしはびようまのインフルエンザです。
I am sick with a cold/flu/influenza.

わたしはりょこだいりてん。
I am a travel agent.

あなたは犬うるさうですか。
Is your dog loud?

ぼくはかるいがおそいです。
I am light but slow.

[jemstone]

わたしのなめはマットです。
My name is Matt.

i always thought it was more like
わたしの　なまえわ(は)　マットです。
edit: i forgot to change this part... when i was going through your list, i realized you knew it was "なまえ" instead of "なめ" coz it was used in one of your other sentence. this one is probably a typo error.

edit:

バンド好きです。わたしもえいがすきです。
I like bands. I also like movies.

i think the "わたし" can be removed so that the sentence might look like this,
えいがも　すきです。
わたしわ　バンドわ　すきです。えいがも　すきです。

おかしがきいるいとあかいとくるいですか？
Is the cake yellow, red and black?

i think for colors you have to use ～くて .
～きいるいくて　あかくて　くろいですか？
edit:isn't cake written and pronounced as ケーキ?

ぼくはかるいがおそいです。
I am light but slow.

i'm not sure but i think i'd probably use the ～でも in between, like this
ぼくわ(は)　かるいでも　おそいです。

as for the rest of the sentences... i'm not sure... =P ごめんね
edit:but definitely i understood what you were trying to put across.

[Fedgrub]

わたしのなめはマットです。
My name is Matt.

i always thought it was more like
わたしの　なまえわ(は)　マットです。
edit: i forgot to change this part... when i was going through your list, i realized you knew it was "なまえ" instead of "なめ" coz it was used in one of your other sentence. this one is probably a typo error.

edit:

バンド好きです。わたしもえいがすきです。
I like bands. I also like movies.

i think the "わたし" can be removed so that the sentence might look like this,
えいがも　すきです。
わたしわ　バンドわ　すきです。えいがも　すきです。

おかしがきいるいとあかいとくるいですか？
Is the cake yellow, red and black?

i think for colors you have to use ～くて .
～きいるいくて　あかくて　くろいですか？
edit:isn't cake written and pronounced as ケーキ?

ぼくはかるいがおそいです。
I am light but slow.

i'm not sure but i think i'd probably use the ～でも in between, like this
ぼくわ(は)　かるいでも　おそいです。

as for the rest of the sentences... i'm not sure... =P ごめんね
edit:but definitely i understood what you were trying to put across.

Thanks for the tips Jemstone! I think with cake there is the katakana one for a western cake, but my dictionary said that there is the katakana one for western cakes and one for Japanese cake? I don't know what the difference between the two cakes are, but I believe there are two types? I've got no clue to be honest haha. Thanks you for all your corrections!

Can anyone help with the others?

[haka]

I'll take a crack at some of these, but my corrections usually need corrections


わたしのともだちにほんごじんのなまえおかずこです。
I have a Japanese friend named Kazuko.
*******************************************************

わたしのにぽんですんでいるともだちはかずこといういます。
my friend who lives in Japan is called Kazuko、

わたしのにぽんにすんでいるともだちのなまえはかずこです。
the name of my friend who lives in Japan is Kazuko.

わたしのともだちはかずこです。にぽんからきました。
My friend is Kazuko. She is from Japan.

わたしのともだちはにほんじんです。かずこといいます。
My friend lives in Japan. She is called Kazuko.


あなたは犬うるさうですか。
Is your dog loud?
**********************************
あなたの犬の声が大きいですか
your dog has a big voice.. the (の) is important. you kind of wrote "are you a loud dog?" I think this "koe ga ooki" form has the same meaning. "your dogs voice is big"

あなたの犬はうるさいですか
This one means "is your dog annoyingly loud"


Thats all I feel comfortable with trying to correct. I hope this helps.

[jemstone]

おかしがきいるいとあかいとくるいですか？
Is the cake yellow, red and black?

i think for colors you have to use ～くて .

i would like to retract this statement. i've heard colors that were joined with 〜くて but i don't wanna say that you have to use this construct. i was just re-listening to one of the earlier lessons today about monet's exhibition. sakura used "と" instead of "くて" when she talked abt the constrast of her favorite painting.

so now i think maybe both are ok.

Thanks for the tips Jemstone! I think with cake there is the katakana one for a western cake, but my dictionary said that there is the katakana one for western cakes and one for Japanese cake? I don't know what the difference between the two cakes are, but I believe there are two types? I've got no clue to be honest haha.

maybe for western cakes like perhaps the christmas logcake or birthday cakes, or any one of those cakes that originated from the west, or downunder for that matter, uses "ケーキ".

Thanks you for all your corrections!

erm... i hope my comments are correct. heh.. it'd be great if there were someone who could confirm everything. =)

[jkeyz15]

こんばんは。
Good evening.

Perfecto

わたしのなめはマットです。
My name is Matt.

One problem; なめ　should be　なまえ.
わたしの名前はマットです

バンド好きです。わたしもえいがすきです。
I like bands. I also like movies.

bands? like music? just say ongaku

And this usage of も should not come after わたし.

わたしは、音楽がすきです。　映画を見ることも好きです。

サラダだいきだいですよ！
I hate salad！

Should but が　after salad.

You can also tone this down negating 好き to 好きじゃないです

わたしのともだちにほんごじんのなまえおかずこです。
I have a Japanese friend named Kazuko.

This sentence doesn't make much sense to me.

かずこという日本人のともだちがいます。

to+ iu means called/said as and this attaches with "kazuko" to modify 日本人のともだち like an adjective.

おかしがきいるいとあかいとくるいですか？
Is the cake yellow, red and black?

（その）ケーキはきいろとあかとくろいですか

ぼうがかたちにまげる。
Bend that bar into shape.

Not sure how to say this, and not entirely sure what you mean but maybe
あのかなぼうをまっすぐのばす。

わたしはびようまのインフルエンザです。
I am sick with a cold/flu/influenza.

かぜをひいています

わたしはりょこだいりてん。
I am a travel agent.

That's a こう。

you could also say
しごとがりょこうだいりてんです。

あなたは犬うるさうですか。
Is your dog loud?

It's うるさい...u is next to i, so maybe it was a simple typo, but

あなた（の　or は）犬がうるさくほえるんでしょうか？
sounds better maybe

ぼくはかるいがおそいです。
I am light but slow.

ぼくにはこのぶんしょうの意味がぜんぜんわからないんです・・

i would like to retract this statement. i've heard colors that were joined with 〜くて but i don't wanna say that you have to use this construct. i was just re-listening to one of the earlier lessons today about monet's exhibition. sakura used "と" instead of "くて" when she talked abt the constrast of her favorite painting.

so now i think maybe both are ok.

You are half-correct.
Yes you can use と, but the colors have to be in their noun forms.

[jemstone]

i would like to retract this statement. i've heard colors that were joined with 〜くて but i don't wanna say that you have to use this construct. i was just re-listening to one of the earlier lessons today about monet's exhibition. sakura used "と" instead of "くて" when she talked abt the constrast of her favorite painting.

so now i think maybe both are ok.

You are half-correct.
Yes you can use と, but the colors have to be in their noun forms.

which means instead of くろい for black, we use くろ then we can use と to connect.

can i say that, if the color is used as a noun (without the い at the end), it is not used to describe something, ie, it's not functioning as an adjective.

like "the red used in this picture signifies the blood shed" as compared to "this is a red hat".

[Javizy]

I'd start avoiding respecifying understood topics wherever possible if you want to sound natural. Generally, you'd hardly ever need to use わたしは, unless you need to explicitly specify yourself as the subject of conversation. Restating understood topics in Japanese is like restating the topic instead of using a pronoun in English. A true pronoun in Japanese is no pronoun at all. So by unnecessarily stating a topic, you'd sound something like this:

Steve got up at 9 and went in the bathroom. Steve looked in the mirror and wondered if Steve should brush his hair. Deciding not to, Steve went downstairs and as Steve got to the bottom, Steve fell and hurt Steve's elbow.

Where you would use 'he' in that passage, you would use nothing at all in Japanese. Understanding this concept is important from the start, not only for the purpose of sounding natural, but also for understanding what's going on in Japanese sentences.