Transition from Co-worker to Friend speak

[lamuness]

I was listening to some of the episodes and I was wondering, how do you know when to make the transition from a co-worker to a friend? I know you speak in totally different ways. Is it if you stopped working with him or if you hung out outside of work or something?

[jemstone]

yea i think as you hang out with your co-workers after working hours, that relationship becomes more than just colleagues. its like friends (no more ice). i think that's when the conversation can become casual style, even during office hours.

but of course, if after one hang out session and the "friends" feeling is not there, then most likely you'll still stick with the colleague style of conversation.

[Jessi]

I think this is something that's hard to figure out, even for Japanese people! Going out to drink together outside of work hours is a really common occurence at Japanese companies, and in that situation it's common to still speak formally - at first anyway. I think it would take a lot of hanging out or someone to say "hey, don't worry about speaking formally" to change that (talking about co-workers around the same age). IF the person is your superior or is older than you, though, even if you get close you might always be speaking formally to them.

[gerald_ford]

I am glad this question came up. I've often wondered about it myself, given that I interact with my wife's friends a lot. The rule definitely holds true that if someone is older, you pretty much always use more formal speech, but you can use more natural phrases like appending "n desu" to informal sentences and make them sufficiently polite. Of course, in formal situations, even this may not be enough.

As for people around your age, just watch how people act to you. If they seem to relax more, then you're probably fine moving into informal speech, or see how they address you. That's a pretty good barometer me thinks.