Quick Translation, Please!

[kashikoi]

May I get a quick translation on the following? I have an idea of what I think it means, but I'd like to get an opinion from someone with more Japanese knowledge than I. Please help, and thank you!

[segment removed]

[Brody]

[Removed]

Anyway, there's an attempt. I don't fully understand it, but hope it helps.

Edit:Jonas
Reason: By request from kashikoi:
([...]my post included a segment of material which I did not have permission to publicly post.)