Translation for Traumerei by Lisa

[jim.schuler]

I tried my hand at translating the song Traumerei by Lisa. Between her imagery and seeming predilection for sentence fragments, she doesn't make it easy. For example, I really have no idea what to do with the first word, 奪って. I could write down "Steal!" but it doesn't make sense to me in context. Also, her uses of そう I don't really understand, so there's a lot of guesswork here.

Some of the transliteration intentionally tests the boundaries. I know that 結ぶ is not "to heal," for instance, but I think that would be the more likely word in English than "bind," considering there's already wrap and tie there.

Here it is for correction:

奪って、スローモーション倒れ込んだ夜
- Stolen, the night that descended in slow motion
ギュッとした僕の胸から磨り減ったリズム
- The worn down rhythm from my tightly squeezed chest

残像と彷徨いながら手に入れた眼は
透明な愛を濁して映し出して行った
- While confused by a captured afterimage
- My eyes disturbed and revealed a clear love

廻る孤独な未来背負っても奥歯を鳴らして進め
- Even if I bear a revolving, lonely future I'll grit my teeth and move forward

空を突き剌す光になって星に刃を溜めて
- I will become the light that pierces the sky, amass my blades among the stars
零れ落ちそうな傷を全部、彼方に拭い去って
- And erase all the wounds thus scattered beyond

生まれ変われば時の螺旋は
- When I make a new start, time's spiral
違う道を示す
- Shows me a different path
解けて
- The pieces will fall apart
包み込まれて繋ぎ合って
- Wrap and tie themselves together
また結ばれて始まる
- And begin to heal again

揺らいだ蝶々の後にぶら下がった運命
- The fate that hung behind a fluttering butterfly
幻想に取り憑かれたまま見失った現実
- The reality I lost sight of while possessed by an illusion

太陽に憧れたのは君みたいだから
- Because longing for the sun reminded me of you
太陽を遮ったのは君みたいだから
- Because blocking out the sun reminded me of you

風を両手に受けて無くした羽根をイメージで広げ
- I'll catch the wind in both hands and with a vision unfurl my lost wings

闇を切り裂き月を掠め舞い上がった欠片には
- To shred the darkness, the piece that soared and grazed the moon
錆びて消えそうな瓦落多だけ記憶の砂が溢れる
- Overflows with only the sands of discarded memories that appear to rust and vanish

本当の自由の意味を知った
- I knew the meaning of true freedom
ひとつになってく身体と心
- A heart and body becoming one
放たれた失望も希望も
- The hope and despair that was unleashed
今は触れられる
- I can feel it now

[community.japanese]

jim.schuler san,
konnichiwa.
You like her songs a lot don’t you?
I think songs are one of good study materials.
Team JapanesePod101.com
Yuki 　由紀

[jim.schuler]

由紀さん、ありがとう。

本当に訳と問題ありませんか
There's really no problem with the translation?

ＬｉＳＡのうたは耳のなかに這って出るのを断るから英語でイヤバグといわれるはずです。
In English LiSA's songs would be called "ear bugs" because they crawl in and refuse to leave.

OK, that's enough of a train wreck up there to sift through.

I have another one of her songs done. This one gets more attention from fan translators because it's from the inexplicably popular Sword Art Online: the opening song, Crossing Field. However, it's interesting because the fans, by and large, are in disagreement with what to do with the first two lines:
認めていた臆病な過去
わからないままに怖がっていた
That made me want to try my hand to see who was correct. Naturally I came up with something different still.

Next, in going through I get the impression that everyone gets the following line wrong...
眠る小さな想い拡がり出して
...interpreting 拡がり出して as some variation of "I/You open and expand." So I'm curious as to whether or not I should have gone with the crowd on that.

Also not going with the crowd, without exception 夢で gets translated as "In a dream." Yawn. Far more interesting and fantastic things have happened in dreams than flying for 夢で to mean that while justifying the lyrical emphasis it has. So, I went another way.

そう confounds me. Almost every time I run into it, I have no idea what to do.


認めていた臆病な過去
わからないままに怖がっていた
- I was afraid I still didn't understand
- The cowardly past I had recognized
後ろの自分が現実を今に映す
- I cast the reality behind me onto the present

いくつもの空を描いたここはきっと
儚い心乱して
- The many skies painted in this place
- Will surely disturb a fickle heart

夢で高く跳んだ躰は
- My body that soars high on a dream
どんな不安纏っても振り払ってい
- Will shake off whatever anxiety it wears
眠る小さな想い拡がり出して
- A sleeping little feeling suddenly begins to open
気付く弱い私君がいれば
- And I realize my weakness when you are here

暗い世界強くいれた
- You brought strength to a dark world
長い夢見る心はそう永遠で
- Like that, my heart will watch a long dream for eternity

探していた導く光
- I searched for a guiding light
触れればすべて思い出して
- If I touch it I will remember everything and
掛け替えのない大切な今をくれる
- Be given an irreplaceable, important moment

目を閉じ世界を知った
- I close my eyes, the world I knew
それはいつも暖かいのに痛くて
- Was always warm, but painful

繋ぐ確かな願い重なり合って
- I piled up clear, connected wishes and
見える迷いは動き始めた
- My visible uncertainty began to waver
君を守りたくて背負う傷は
- I want to protect you, the scars you bear
深い眠りの中漂った
- Wandered in the middle of your deep sleep

代わらない約束だった
- That was our constant promise
二人信じた絆はそう鮮明に
- Like that, we believed clearly in that bond

声が届くまで名前を呼んで
- Until your voice reaches me, call my name
出会えた奇跡感じたいもっと
- I want to feel the miracle of having met you again

[community.japanese]

jim.schuler san,
Konnichiwa.
I am sorry we don’t have the translation service…
However, overall your translation is good.
Yuki 　由紀
Team JapanesePod101.com

[susumiyahakashi_508732]

すげえええええ！！！
僕もＬＩＳＡの歌が大好きです。しかし、僕は翻訳をするのこと、まだちゃんとできません。
頑張てください！

[community.japanese]

san,
こんにちは。
はい、頑張りましょう。
Yuki 由紀
Team JapanesePod101.com